The troubled relationship part-whatever-it-is and food photo so you don't feel sad about me.
Troubled relationship
Again, I regret what I said in the previous post. I'm sorry guys, I look like a child, throwing myself from side to side, happy then crying, then happy again. WTF. My life's been thus so far, I've always been like this, unstable, weird. I don't even know why I put 'parts' of my troubled relationship posts because each new one is basically the same. You got it, I'm gonna say bad things about R. in this post, so if you don't want to, leave.After the past weekend I feel broken, and the recent convo I've had with R. added to the negative effect. We have no common interests, as he said, I'm not interested in his hobbies (hello, he doesn't have them in the first place, except playing games!) nor do I listen to him, never (what ridiculous bullshit! I even listen to the music he likes while I hate hard rock/metal/punk).
I hinted that I'd arranged a vacation and that perhaps he could comment upon my choice of the date (I wanted to hear I should plan my vacation in September so I could fly away with him) but I got a completely opposite phrase - he mentioned nothing about us, only that I should go on vacation in autumn. Nor did he add where, with whom I'd like to go... sure, this is because in September it won't matter to him as he'd already leave by then.
That's R., looking all gentlemanly to others, showing the true side to close ones.
Told him I saw a wonderful pair of fuchsia shoes, but he didn't get the idea, that perhaps he could buy them for me. Or buy any present, however small, or flowers, or anything. Told him outright I gave him gifts regularly, why wouldn't he act the same? The answer was that I'll get all this the moment we break up and I find another one (again and again I hear him f*cking me off). Oh god, I'm typing this now and half-crying, it hurts to hear rude words like these. By all appearance, I'll have to get the heels by myself, as always. Huh. I do miss the old days when he brought me flowers, or asked if I wanted him to drive by to discuss family issues, or take me back home.
Mom said that he's been staying over for 2 years and he has not even once washed the dishes as I have to clean and tidy up on my own while he only eats and sleeps here. R. retaliated saying he'd never do this, and if I didn't like his conduct, it was my problem. She, near-jokingly, remarked he should help me with the renovation in my room. His response? 'Heck, I better bolt asap!' How funny, he better escapes than helps me... well speaks for himself and what kind of uncaring man he'll be. Dear god, why have I made the mistake of starting to date him? Articles on marriage are dead-correct stating if man doesn't propose after 1,5 years of dating he'll never do. I see it clearly. I see his good feelings melting, fading, dying very quickly. It's a pain to realise instead of future planning a couple should be doing when they love each other we are growing apart, wider, wider, wider. I try on my own, to keep this stitch of a troubled relationship from further tearing - it doesn't work. I don't want to lose, I want to make it better but instead of a positive effect it seems to be getting worse and worse. Not giving up, as the pic says... I doubt it'll help.
I wanted to nudge him wrt that infamous 'serious talk', it's been over a month and he still can't decide, saying he's not ready, hesitant, lingering etc. Pfft, no surprise. I waste my time, for it's high time I planned a family, kids else it's gonna be late - he doesn't react, or reacts asking me to go search for a new guy. No big deal too since it's his frequent tactics. Fine, I answered, I will go seek another guy. He didn't like the words and hung up. Exactly like the ex, with that only difference that ex is 7 years younger and I can understand his childlikeness.
I seriously wish I could wave him off and swear the way he does, show so much disrespect he does. I wish he knew the suffering I have to come through. But I guess cursing and sending him off with angry words is the wrongest thing as God forbids. That's why I keep hoping for finding a new love - this is the right revenge! He'll get his true type of punishment from highest powers, not me directly.
Some of you are already tired of my constant rant about life's miseries and problems with R. But I promise, as soon as it's over or I get another guy I'll post different kinds of entries, with nice sunny pictures, not only beach and food photo.
I continue to pray. And wish for a better man, a family, kids, more or less stable life with a protective husband, a loving person who I can trust and enjoy life with. Also, however unwilling I am, I keep training. Workout is an important part of my life. In fact, the more I practice the better I feel so I won't quit knowing water takes away my stress and bad mood. I saw swimmers today. Hot bodies, hypnotizing movements, an awesome sight!
Food photo
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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