Disclaimer and My Story.

Personal Info
Female, Leo, Russian. Sexy lustful ants-in-pants, that's how they define me. Yeah, I'm smutty, weird and don't understand myself at times :) Am I in a relationship? Rather yes than no. Hobbies and favorite occupations include swimming, reading, writing/blogging, movie-going, lecturing people, learning foreign languages and cultures, partying, love-may-king, and shopping. Want to know more? Feel free to ask, I don't bite, I'm fluffy as kitten (but kittens have claws too^^). I love comfort, warmth and dear people around so you could say I'm a home-sweet-home type of person ;)

Disclaimer aka What you should know before you judge me
I do not promote my ways of losing weight nor any diet below 1000-1200 calories. I do not force anyone to step on the track I've chosen, it's my road and you can walk your path. My way is not healthy for losing weight although it does work; again, you have loads of diets to pick from, choose what suits you best. Also, I do not promote pro-mia or pro-ana.
As for pictures, collages and most other photos, they are taken from weheartit.com and pinterest.com. All other images with my Blogger address in them are mine, you can take them but do not forget to credit.
A warning about measurement units. I use centimeters for height and kilograms for weight, and international size charts (letters XS, S, M, L, XL), for the most part.

Like many other girls, I started this blog after I've made some progress, that is, Day 1 is October 1st, 2011, which is the starting date of my weight loss journey. Every post describes each day of this road, and posts will go on until I come to the desired weight: my GW is 45kg, and UGW is 42kg.

What you'll need
 - a dayplanner/notebook to put down your thoughts and ideas on how your life changes, as well as mark alterations your body undergoes, or a scrapbook with thinspiration (motivational quotes and images); you may also want to write what food you eat and amount of calories consumed; keep it on your table/desk at hand
 - a camera/cell phone to take pictures of yourself, to compare what you used to be and what you're becoming
 - optional, but a must in my case - a calendar to mark the beginning of your diet - SW - and the ending - UW, together with in-between dates - CW. You can mark any special dates on it, too, like when you lose a kilo or centimeter or manage to avoid the kitchen for a whole day
 - a scale, a measuring tape
 - and the last but not the least, an optimistic mindset, an 'I can do it!' setting

My Story
It was late September 2011, I lay sleepless in bed, thoughts running thru my head as I digested a piece of info found on the Web a few hours prior. Here a girl gives helpful tips on how to lose weight together with her own weightloss story. Once again, like many times before, I thought it was time to get to the 'perfect' weigh, 45kg. This is insane, you may think, and this is what everyone around says but I feel like this is the number I need to reach, it's ideal for my height (160cm). I will be me, feel comfortable, more confident and beautiful. Whatever they say, I didn't find myself pretty or cute and my inner world was all restless because I felt I wasn't in harmony with myself, so why not try create some balance, regain peace with my body?
I've started my weightloss journey in January, 2011, and made a big achievement  by October, off with about 10 kilos, bit by bit coming to the figure of 53kg on the scale. I felt lighter, freer and could virtually feel my body, yet I realized 53 was not where I wanted to be. Mirror, my definite enemy, showed an ugly, disproportionate, fat figure. Arms flabby, hips so wide I could not stand looking at them, face chubby, cheekbones - not a hint at them, I need not mention hipbones as I could not imagine where they were supposed to be, and boobs, feeling heavy however small, I wanted them to get smaller as I wanted to get rid of so-hateful curves. Yeah, I looked very womanly, hourglass shape can make you gorgeous but not when you want otherwise, when this hourglass is the hateful type of shape, when all you want is be flat like a boy.
As said girl advises, I began to collect pics of skinny models in beautiful clothes, looking them thru on a regular basis as thinspiration (what an amazing word here!). As for outfits, I had some things that were tight for me, and I had to drop a few sizes to fit in them (although later I saw the downside which you'll learn from 70-80th entries).
Besides, I've been always dreaming of being a ‘korean girl’. I really like this type of girls, small and skinny. They are taller than Japanese girls but just as thin, and since I’m the same height as average Korean girls I decided I wanted to look like them, and to have such stunning body I had to lose about 10 kilos more. Considering I’ve lost almost 10 kilos during the first half of the year I thought it’d be quite possible to be off with another 5-7 by December.

Why did I decide to do it by the New Year? Because last year I made a wish to come to my dream weight, and for the first 6 months of 2011 I'd been putting the task off and delaying and moving slow, so I finally got to get hold of myself and do it, I had no time to idle about  as I wanted my dream to come true.

Also, my undoubted motivation has always been those online stores where you can buy cheapy-cheap clothes from Korea. BUT. It's ridiculous to order things knowing you are 3 sizes larger than average kgirls, right? Of course I could find identical clothes in usual stores or another site where they offer things in bigger measurements but I wanted to look like those tiny models in pictures because it seemed to me that these clothes are designed specially for small skinny doll-girls. So I had to do something about it. I simply couldn't miss an opportunity to get items half the price and for this I had to work hard. Day after day, month after month, centimeter after centimeter while I kept shrinking :)

Among other reasons for setting out on that journey is weheartit.com, a site that gave me the final push to perfecting myself and which I found an unquenchable source of thinspiration because the number of motivational images is enormous. Check it out, try different tags like 'skinny', 'thin', 'thinspo' etc. I began printing out fashion/clothes/models pictures, and it resulted in seeing all those slim thighs, bony arms and flat bellies which of course made me reproach myself and want to get back on weightloss track. But this time I decided I had to be real persistent. In fact, it's thanks to the countless thinspo on that site that I kept going, without those photos I'd have given up long ago.

I've always thought myself fat, however ridiculous it sounds, so 45 was my chance to get to the so-wished-for thin category. Not that this desire had to do with how I felt around boys for it's never been a problem, so in the beginning it came as solely my decision not connected with romantic life and relationships (but you'll soon learn how the situation changed). Primarily, I wrote it off on the long-term want to look more androgynous, ever attracted to the garçon style, striving to look like a boy wrt clothing - white button-up shirts tucked in straight pants, minimum accessories; sometimes longing for punk rock style with its leather jackets, ripped jeans and army boots; or extreme heels and frilly mini-skirts and bracelets, rings, earrings and necklaces. But how uncomfortable and not in my own skin I felt knowing I didn't look good in all this, with odd weight ruining the look. I could never allow the luxury of midriffs or tight tanktops because there was an ugly belly and disgusting fat on my sides meanwhile I wanted low-waisted jeans to show off my bony hips and one-shoulder blouses to reveal my collarbones, and short shorts to have everyone's gaze attracted to my thin thighs... not for once, not even in childhood. Hiding in high-wasted pants, fluffy sweaters and free sundresses - doing all to hide the fat-puffed shape. Until the day I realized I wanted to be me after all, I've had enough, ready to take a step to have the body not to be ashamed but proud of, to wear anything and look gorgeous, to feel sexy, to be hot.
Step by step, I've been making progress, and if you follow me you'll learn about my experience, ups and downs, happiness and hardships etc etc.
For now I'm leaving you with the first thinspo collage. I promise there will be more thinspiration and own pictures and meme's and useful stuff in the future. Check out my blog on a regular basis!