Day 64 - very energy-lacking, I still went to the pool, waaah, returned home like a wreck, strength-less, barely passed one flight of stairs, now sitting at work tired and dreaming of bed, sweet comfy bed… Swimming today was probably worse than ever before, my mind always filled with bad thoughts about the convo I’d had with my date.
Other than that, in this crazy rush for thinness, sighing at thinspo, and scale psychosis I have missed the changes my own body has undergone. Daydreaming, reading countless articles, diet-obsessed - while I have forgotten to take a closer look at myself. And so I did at last. And was struck, amazed, pleasantly surprised. I took pic after pic, not recognizing myself, not finding shots to delete because all were nice. Hipbones? Here they are. Nice belly? It’s right here. Collarbones? I can see them. This is a weird thing - while in the mirror I see nothing of the kind, camera seems to not only show what is hidden but magnify it. I don’t notice any dramatic effects - but in the pictures the changes are obvious, so I’m a bit confused. No doubt I’m proud of what progress I’ve made but it looks so trifle I cannot allow myself a break, on the contrary, I gotta stay strong, not quit swimming and keep to the diet. I want to be skinny, I want to be happy, so I’ll keep going to bed without dinner. It’s getting harder and harder by the day as I waste more cals than gain, and it’s also hard to stay cheerful because without motivation/inspiration/positive emotions what I do seems to be losing sense.
Other than that, in this crazy rush for thinness, sighing at thinspo, and scale psychosis I have missed the changes my own body has undergone. Daydreaming, reading countless articles, diet-obsessed - while I have forgotten to take a closer look at myself. And so I did at last. And was struck, amazed, pleasantly surprised. I took pic after pic, not recognizing myself, not finding shots to delete because all were nice. Hipbones? Here they are. Nice belly? It’s right here. Collarbones? I can see them. This is a weird thing - while in the mirror I see nothing of the kind, camera seems to not only show what is hidden but magnify it. I don’t notice any dramatic effects - but in the pictures the changes are obvious, so I’m a bit confused. No doubt I’m proud of what progress I’ve made but it looks so trifle I cannot allow myself a break, on the contrary, I gotta stay strong, not quit swimming and keep to the diet. I want to be skinny, I want to be happy, so I’ll keep going to bed without dinner. It’s getting harder and harder by the day as I waste more cals than gain, and it’s also hard to stay cheerful because without motivation/inspiration/positive emotions what I do seems to be losing sense.
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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