The whole 2012 turns out ridiculously funny, 'cause how damn rich it is in bad events! Things can barely grow worse. As if losing my job and unceasing health problems were not enough! The other day S/o informed me he's leaving, and right after a night of crying my heart out I had another pang. Looks like stress is the main reason for my unending sicknesses, this I realize as I cringe in bed, remembering that my health started to worsen the moment all these awful situations showed up. For the past half of the year things have been really tough, and emotionally I've broken down, so little wonder I feel like a wreck under the present-day scenario. I had told myself one more pain attack and I would go to the doctor, although I know the treatment will take much time... I just can't tolerate this state of being totally tied up to home anymore. I've been 99% healthy for the past 4 years but 2012 brought various sorts of aches all at once, this is killing.
I don't know if it is the very end of me and s/o since it seems striking how from a near-married state things transformed into breakup, but so far we are barely on speaking terms. I could relate further on the reasons, which I find ridiculously silly, but better leave it to myself, just like he leaves me to myself, coping with problems solely on my own. Huh.
Speaking of health issues, this is my priority now, the problem that has to be solved at all costs (and I believe the medical treatment will cost a lot). I even have to delay job-hunting in favor of well-being, and I decided to go to the doctor now than later, because later means worse consequences. If I manage to get rid of my sicknesses and return to living normal life I'll be the happiest person on the planet and even think about having children. Strangely enough, lately I've been thinking a lot about it, this past half of the year spent planning when. I guess it's time. All I need is make sure I'm healthy for pregnancy.
I ended up in the public hospital and, as expected, the doctor receives patients only in January (yes, this is our public hospitals, you'll die earlier than you get to see a doctor; and this is one of many reasons why s/o escapes to a different country), and with a sigh I went to a private clinic across the road, where after a deep breath I opened the door and entered the hall and after a short talk at the reception I got an appointment next week. I try not to panic. The treatment may take months depending on the results of tests but my future health is what matters. I don't know if I'll continue posting regularly, who knows what I'll have to come through.
I hate to add it, but one important thing - I don't go to the pool anymore, which sucks. The only kind of sports I really really like turns into something I can't go into because in a way it is the cause of my nagging sickness.
But it is now a thing of the past; today I'm cheery and even excited. Family helps and supports a lot. I browse the Internet, looking for inspiring pictures (have I told you I'm a fan of Snoopy the Exotic Shorthair?), and read 'The End of Mr. Y' by Scarlett Thomas.
I don't know if it is the very end of me and s/o since it seems striking how from a near-married state things transformed into breakup, but so far we are barely on speaking terms. I could relate further on the reasons, which I find ridiculously silly, but better leave it to myself, just like he leaves me to myself, coping with problems solely on my own. Huh.
Speaking of health issues, this is my priority now, the problem that has to be solved at all costs (and I believe the medical treatment will cost a lot). I even have to delay job-hunting in favor of well-being, and I decided to go to the doctor now than later, because later means worse consequences. If I manage to get rid of my sicknesses and return to living normal life I'll be the happiest person on the planet and even think about having children. Strangely enough, lately I've been thinking a lot about it, this past half of the year spent planning when. I guess it's time. All I need is make sure I'm healthy for pregnancy.
I ended up in the public hospital and, as expected, the doctor receives patients only in January (yes, this is our public hospitals, you'll die earlier than you get to see a doctor; and this is one of many reasons why s/o escapes to a different country), and with a sigh I went to a private clinic across the road, where after a deep breath I opened the door and entered the hall and after a short talk at the reception I got an appointment next week. I try not to panic. The treatment may take months depending on the results of tests but my future health is what matters. I don't know if I'll continue posting regularly, who knows what I'll have to come through.
I hate to add it, but one important thing - I don't go to the pool anymore, which sucks. The only kind of sports I really really like turns into something I can't go into because in a way it is the cause of my nagging sickness.
But it is now a thing of the past; today I'm cheery and even excited. Family helps and supports a lot. I browse the Internet, looking for inspiring pictures (have I told you I'm a fan of Snoopy the Exotic Shorthair?), and read 'The End of Mr. Y' by Scarlett Thomas.
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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