Day 116 - I want to tell you something really awesome. Finally my dream came true! Finally thinspo worked! The quote, you remember, ’Do it so distant relatives and friends who haven’t seen you in a while exclaim how thin you’ve become’? Yes! It has just realized! This phrase was my motivation as I wanted the same effect, wanted my relatives to see me and notice the big change so that they can’t keep their mouths shut and nearly cry it out. Heck, yessss! It took me 4 months to come to this, and I did it.
My Granny who I haven’t seen for around half a year, visited us, and the moment I opened the door and greeted her she said as though shyly, ‘Um, good afternoon,’ - and paused. (you know, this feeling when you guess you’ve knocked on the wrong door). It was clear as day she didn’t recognize me, and it was not before she entered that she blurted out, ‘Oh honey it’s you! So skinny! Don’t parents feed you? I thought it was some teenager that opened the door!’ Later, she kept nudging how come I’m this small and why don’t I eat, and I had to explain it was due to swimming, a lot of swimming - but it was of no use as Grandma kept asking what I eat and how often etc. As we gathered for the dinner, questions continued: why don’t I eat potatoes, why don’t I help myself to this, to that, why don’t I let her put some of this and that on my plate, why is my plate still empty… But gosh I felt so happy and high upon getting these reproofs as they sounded no less than compliments, sweet music to my ears ;) I saw her eyes scrutinize my figure, and I felt flattered and not in the least self-conscious like in all previous years when I was hiding my fat legs under long skirts, and covering my plump cheeks with loose hair - this time I was wearing light shorts and tied my hair in a bun, and overall I felt very relaxed and confident. I couldn’t stop thinking I must have really lost some weight and look thinner and younger. Isn’t it what we all want to hear? Doesn’t each of us want to meet a long-time-no-see acquaintance in the street and hear them gasp and burn up with jealousy at the sight of you, so differently slim, so happy and radiating self-assurance?And the funniest part was when the cake was brought in. I was asked if I wanted some, to which I said yes, and at this, everyone turned their heads with ‘You?! Cake?!’ surprised to hear I was going to eat a high-calorie product. I nodded calmly, and when treated to a piece of cake (3x10cm) I ate only 1/5 of it, leaving the rest untouched, having everyone look at me with this ‘sour’ expression as if feeling sorry for the piece. S/o too sighed, shaking his head. After, I literally hopped out of the table feeling light and not hungry and could hear the ‘What’s wrong with this girl?’ whisper from Granny. Haha It’s not with me but with you that something is wrong; it’s not I but you who eat so much you don’t get up from the table until there’s nothing left to eat; it’s not I but you who don’t eat normally; and no way it’s me but you who are nuts. I for one feel proud and unbreakable not letting evil comments get to me. Behaving thus I showed strong will and persistence and self-control - aren’t these traits envied, desired? That was such a sweet feeling indeed - who needs dessert after it? ;)
What does my epigraph say? ‘I rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool’. I just altered it a little, ‘I rather be flat than return to fat’. No way I’m going to listen to my significant other (is he really that significant in this case?) who says he strongly dislikes the absence of breasts, which I used to have when we started dating. Ha! He keeps complaining again and again whilst I stand my ground. It hurts me when he says how he wants my boobs back but I’ve gone such a long way and there is no chance I’ll get back to 60kg and thus, bigger chest. If it means the end to our story, so be it. My long-term dream coming true, confidence and healthiness, and feeling better than good costs dearer than his whims.
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
0 comments: