New Year's celebration
Here are the pictures from NY's night and next morning as well as some gifts. I changed 5 outfits (because the astrologists advised to try as many new clothes as you can during the night, haha) and luckily, this year the table was full of self-cooked dishes with not a one bought at a store (e.g. salads, sushi, desserts etc) which makes me proud, especially when a picky s/o flattered me with compliments saying how well I cook ;)So yea, as for the recipes, I'll continue posting them in further entries, do not forget to check out, and now on to the almost-forgotten but still important incident at the rink where s/o and I went the other day.
First time at the skating rink
So it was my first visit to the rink and no doubt I felt like a real elephant on ice, unable to move at all without his support and little wonder I felt lame and pitiful in my own eyes while he kept saying how nicely I skate. Oh thank you but I hated being called a good skater. At one moment he mentioned that although I was doing well I was still a long way from him because he managed to skate perfectly already at his first try. This very line deeply hurt me. Why should he tell me such offensive remarks? That he's such a Mr. Know-all while I'm a second-rate apprentice he's teaching! Even if he's so wonderful at skating from the first time why boast and brag about it? Sure the whole event was spoilt and I left the rink angry and with a ball in my throat - it's awful when close people state you're a loser.Afterwards, since I didn't drop a word on the way home, he got even angrier and instead of patching it up I poured oil in the fire to the point where he began cursing at me and then noted some intimate things that astounded me. As it appears, I'm a bad fuck and he only had 1 normal sex with me (although I know what I'm worth and am well aware I'm a good fuck) in 2 years. I raised my eyebrow asking what it was and he said it was last year, the only act when he did what he wanted and when I didn't care about my own Big O. Wow, this is ridiculous. Finally after so many months and a life of not coming I start to climax and be all thankful and loving - and my partner gets otherwise, dissatisfied with sex. Then again, this is what happens when a woman stops faking. I could imitate orgasm and what then? I've been through it, fake orgasm and good relationship are 2 incompatible things, so I've been learning how to get pleasure from sex and when I did, this is what I got. We sorta switched positions where he (like a grumpy woman who is not contented with her sex life) complains and I (like an average I-don't-care-if-she-came guy) enjoy it.
He's such a swine! I'll never ever forgive him for the words. Every time I'm gonna mention them to him, drilling his head with the same phrase over and over, 'Why have sex with me if you are not satisfied with it?'
Most of the time we've been together I've been hating him (you are not supposed to hate the one you love right?) but atm I hate him even more, and it's not because his words are true but because he screws up my dreams and expectations, especially those concerning my precious winter holidays, which he tends to always mess up.
I've been planning this New Year's night for at least 2 months, each detail, every position, even had my parents leave the house all to myself - and all I got is him swearing at me, hurting, insulting, totally collapsing my plans. No thanks, this won't pass scot-free.
I have quit sincerely trying to build a relationship a long ago, secretly making him my fuck buddy, especially when he said he was flying to live in Europe. But I'm fed up of fake-lationship too, I can't keep pretending, smiling artificially, lying that I care. Why try if it's all gonna end soon? If the person lied to you and broke the promises you cherished and believed? I will never love one who can't keep his word. Is it surprising that I'm frustrated, angry and unhappy? Where I hoped the vacations would be filled with a lot of lovemaking and spending a week together history repeats itself so I'm left alone and sex-deprived. I wish I would find a true love soon so we can part ways as I'm honestly eager to put an end to the mutual brain-fucking.
However straight-out the post sounds we managed to come to the peaceful terms and 'work it out' in my favor ;) We fight like crazy one day and next day it's all talks about marriage (on days we don't quarrel all I can think about is becoming a wife, his wife, and a ring on my finger, and a gorgeous wedding dress, and a kiss, and then I remember how he once shattered this promise of his, saying he was flying to live in another country...). I wish he wouldn't go to Europe - but this desire was not among those I made on the NY's night.
Honestly, I really enjoyed it on the rink, and all I can dream of is returning there tomorrow. With s/o. We buried the hatchet, and he agreed to go with me and spend some time together afterwards during which he plans to discuss stuff about us (either marriage- or sex-related). Great! I'll probably cook curd donuts and give him the gifts (wardrobe fragrances).
On another note, parents are back from their travel, I so missed Dad's camera for professional photos! Now that it's home again I can take better pictures and share with you on my Photoblog.
But the sad thing is my period's not coming, I'm very nervous and praying it would start asap.
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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