I wish I had a chance to fix whatever is wrong in our relationship. I don't think I need a time machine to be able to get back to the past and change a thing or two there, for this won't help. The reason for misunderstanding is in our characters, it's the special traits, inborn and developed, that hinder us from loving each other. Him, first off, being too self-centered, not minding me, not paying attention, and me being way too forgiving and kind.
I wish in today's small chat on Skype I had answered he did deserve the way I talked to him. He said he didn't get why I spoke to him indifferently and rude. If he understood me, he would surely know why. But he doesn't, and therefore got offended, thinking I do it without a ground and seem to hate him off base.
This is what I mean, we are together yet live on two different planets. And all the while my attempts to get us closer have been failing. Spending more time together, trying to hire an apartment, suggesting mutual trips anywhere - all ends up otherwise, my hopes and plans collapsing. I want to believe it's not my fault we lack understanding because I've done enough to build bridges, I'm tired of seeing them burn though.
Where is my Love?
Less than 2 days remain till R's arrival. I doubt he'll even give a call after our last convo. Brain says do not contact him, heart longs for... for what? Kisses? Embraces? But this doesn't usually happen anyway, so there is actually nothing to long for. God give me strength to forget him... Yes it's true my heart yearns for tenderness and romance but from somebody else, a new guy who.. will I be able to find?
I want to learn to love R. but the rock on which we split doesn't let me, and grows bigger. I wish I didn't have to give up because, honestly, I've put too much of myself in 'us' and gotten used to him, but looks like... looks like it's unavoidable. I'm fed up of being constantly unhappy and pissed off, I want light positive entries, bright pictures on my blog, want to share this good with you too.
Of course I'll let you know what will happen upon his return. But more than this I want to meet a new love, for it's high time, one true love. I can't wait to be happy again!
Love Flowers Photos
Strange thing, I've noticed I have acquired this weird habit of looking through floral pictures on Pinterest when in a bad mood after a quarrel with him, this strange reflex to go gaze at beautiful plants, soothing, calming. I even started to like roses, enjoy images of bridal bouquets, take pleasure in wedding photography, the things I disliked a few years ago. Must be because I've never got flowers from boys, and I so wish s/o bought them more often.. had bought.
And for that reason - flowers for you. Take any bunch you like ^.^
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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