Troubled Relationship Part 2. My New Office Dress.

In today's post, why my affair is called troubled relationship, and pictures of my new black and white office dress.

Troubled Relationship

A few weeks ago I warned you I'm going to keep you updated on how it's going between s/o and me, and just so you know positive moments are disappearing to the point where I can't see one. All we seem to have is misunderstanding, quarrels and less and less dates. For that reason, I decided to title this post Troubled Relationship.

No I'm not asking you for compassion or relationship advice. I know how to deal with the trouble, be sure. I know where I'm wrong. Like I said, it's just my blog where I give vent to my thoughts and feelings, not needing anybody else's view or opinion, I don't need somebody's pity. Count me masochist, maybe I really am, suffering and refusing to put an end to this relationship once and for all.

It's really not working with s/o. I've read threads where girls talk about their boyfriends who are Aries, and there are tons of similar situations and even worse, where they can't end their troubled relationship. Meanwhile we are attempting, doing our best to treat our bf's kindly, keep waiting when they'll make us happy...

All I do is grumble and shout at him, then cry myself to sleep at night feeling lonely, broken. I'm like this goth-looking woman, black and angry, menacing.

I feel like roaming in a dark forest not seeing where to go, all is foggy, trees look alike. Again, it's me who calls, texts, needs him. I have no one else to talk to: lovers forgotten, friends gone. All I have is family and sport. It's spring and instead of blossoming romance I get rotting relationship.

He doesn't treat me like a small princess, rather like piece of sh**. A girl doesn't have to be a princess, it's a guy's duty to make her feel like one. Unfortunately, gradually he stopped treating me right. What princess are we talking about - he stopped treating me like a girl in fact!

His words that he has turned off his care and support because they displeased me once still resound in my head, how can one be so callous, how can a guy speak such rude phrases to someone he says he loves? I can't forget them, I feel I've drained myself with this troubled relationship, it does nothing other than hurt.
In this butt freezing weather pics of beaches and warm countries make my heart melt, but just for as long as I look through them, because later I get sober and recall how insane and out-of-my-mind the idea of moving to another country is. Who knew we'd be ending up like this?

Anyhow, today after another weekend spent I have a new post to share with you. I'm drinking cold Dr. Pepper recalling the same cold weather we had today as well as a cold shoulder I received from R. Our 'date' turned out awful, all the while I felt crumpled like back 2 years ago when I hated R. It's painful to realize you're getting back to the initial stage of a relationship with nothing to talk about as you sit silent in the car and even if you talk the convo is pointless, shallow, bits of phrases thrown in the air.
While I've been expecting a marvelous weekend, a trip out of town (something that would happen just for once!), no that was destined not to happen. 2 years, for 2 f*cking years it hasn't been working out, every goddamn trip ended up screwed, all because he had a 'problem'. Oh dear god, he is none other than a walking trouble. Such a lame guy, loser, sucker!
And the only thing we managed to do during that Saturday is drop at McD's where I bought a Coke. I hate eating/drinking in the car, preferring to go inside the cafe and have my food there, talking, laughing, being among other people who come here to eat and enjoy their orders too. But this is not what happens with him. For 2 years he hasn't learnt what I like, what makes me smile, doing (as if on purpose) exactly what I hate.
Also, I thought we'd get in a road accident, he swore so strongly, furiously because he believed other drivers wanted to cut him off, my ears hurt literally because he yelled loudly, even with windows rolled down the drivers in other cars on the road could hear him. Imagine my state while I was right beside him, having to hear all the nasty words, very harsh and in such a violent flood I thought I might burst into tears or have a  heart attack for sure. He never cursed like this. Neither did he apologize, but this I'm gotten used to. I don't need his apologies.
I was sitting in the car repeating, Please God help me break up with him completely, this is the right thing, this is all I want to do, help me find a new guy as soon as possible, I want to free myself from this heart-wrenching trouble relationship, please, please, set me free from it!

I then came home and cooked pancakes. At least this made me a bit happier. I don't know if all these fail-dates are set by him on intention, it really seems so. Every single meeting is a bummer. He treats me like trash with not a hint at respect for a woman. He would never ever allow such rude frivolities when in the beginning of our affair. He'd showed himself from a totally different side, making me see a real gentleman and I had made a big mistake having flattered him, saying how good and polite and perfect he was. This person, as I've learnt him through, doesn't deserve my finger. No wonder nature's been so unkind to him, penis-wise.

It's his Birthday today. I didn't even bother thinking what present to give. Before, I would wreck my brain trying to order things online, spent a pretty penny on the buy - this year, however, this is not my strategy. I'll give him some money so he can get whatever. Just so you know, I never give money as a present for holidays, it's kinda disrespectful and bad, but R. seems to have forced me to do thus to him. He never cared about a present for my BDay so why bother? I wish I didn't have to say bad words about R., wish he were someone to look upon like TG once was...

On a lighter note, I try to live a different life, not depend on him. 6 days a week I'm by myself. He doesn't want to show up or show interest, so be it. As I mentioned earlier, he is aware of my displeasure wrt his behavior and thus he suspects I cheat on him and date other men. Half true. Although my love and respect and need of him are dying out I still cherish a hope of a proposal. Yes, this low me, the vain sneering me wants him to want to marry me.
Some day, it's something I dream of, I will stop caring at all, and not text back and act as aloof as he has been for these two years.

My new office dress

Meanwhile summer clothes are staring to appear at stores. My favorite shop is stuffed with awesome shoes, bikinis and light pants and dresses, and this is one of the 2 dresses I bought the other day ;)

black and white office dress

black office dress

black dress