Guess it's time to be putting an end to my troubled relationship sequence because little, if any, is actually left of this 'relationship'. Taking up running is my out of this. Enjoy the food photo I've prepared for you!
He just texted he doesn't want to have children from me.
He'd been begging me for kids, saying time and again he'd be happy if he learnt I was pregnant and now, when I'm getting ready for it he sms's me that no, he doesn't want children. It's close to the situation where i were already pregnant and he stated he didn't want a baby.
I sit at work with crocodile tears in my eyes, luckily pc monitor hiding my face.
I hate him, hate him like no one else on earth, not even like I hated my ex - and I'm trying to calm down and let this awful emotion fade. I'm going for an hour walk home to subside the feeling but what next? Go to bed at home because my mood is horrible? I'll likely watch tv before doing so, tv is somehow settling my nerves.
It's not his attitude or my long-ago-broken heart, it's lack of another guy I could start dating, this what makes the situation suck. And that I'd trusted such a liar who promised me perfect future and swore love. I hate myself for believing that bullsh*t of his.
God is sure to punish him for being so heartless and rude, but this is not my business, the Almighty is to handle it, what I am permanently interested in is when I'm gonna get my portion of happiness and true delight from genuine love. I pray even harder, spending much of my evenings with a pectoral cross.
Truth hurts.
But I don't want to end my posts on sad notes.
I'll mention something about workout. Yes my love life is far below zero, it almost doesn't exist, and 2 years ago I would most likely give up excercising and continue living in my old fat body. But not now. I'm not gonna give in to sorrow and mistreatment, even the fact that he hates my current figure won't stop me. I'm f*cking doing it for myself, I am my own motivation! Yes it's ever so hard to get up in mornings and force myself to go home on foot and realize there's no one but yourself to back you up and encourage you, but it's for me, my own good. The hot tight body, feeling cheerful and light - this is what I won't dare quit. I love myself despite others' negative comments, despite harsh attitude of even dearest ones, it's goddamn my body and I decide how to sculpt it! I want to have enough will power to be able to resist the falls and trips and get through and survive! Yes, today he blew me away with a hurtful sentence but this won't stop me from going swimming, training. I want to be a winner at least in something, I want to be strong and overcome hard times so that my new guy will appreciate me and cherish and respect.
And as if by providence, I just stumbled upon this
There seems to be no point in contacting him, trying to patch it up or talk. He says he's scared of convos and my calls and dates with me like of fire, that I lack femininity and full of insecurities and inferiority complex. What more can I say?
I went to bed sobbing, but luckily woke up smiling, before going to the pool, and now at work, I sit listening to Pink and smiling. I believe it's due to the amount of endorphins sport creates in me. I've taken up walking, an hour walk after work looks to do me good. And following the example, I plan on going even farther, taking up running. I've been hating running since childhood but since I have nothing to do in the evening the best option would be engaging in a beneficial activity, so therefore, jogging! Besides, it's advantageous for women's health (enhanced blood circulation is good for sexual libido and stronger sensations during sex).
Troubled relationship
I'm broken, I feel one cannot be any more ruined. Blow by blow, hit after hit, I don't know what's that f*cking thing that makes me hope/believe it's gonna be ok and even better whereas the situation has long ago gone out of 'normal' level.He just texted he doesn't want to have children from me.He'd been begging me for kids, saying time and again he'd be happy if he learnt I was pregnant and now, when I'm getting ready for it he sms's me that no, he doesn't want children. It's close to the situation where i were already pregnant and he stated he didn't want a baby.
I sit at work with crocodile tears in my eyes, luckily pc monitor hiding my face.
I hate him, hate him like no one else on earth, not even like I hated my ex - and I'm trying to calm down and let this awful emotion fade. I'm going for an hour walk home to subside the feeling but what next? Go to bed at home because my mood is horrible? I'll likely watch tv before doing so, tv is somehow settling my nerves.
It's not his attitude or my long-ago-broken heart, it's lack of another guy I could start dating, this what makes the situation suck. And that I'd trusted such a liar who promised me perfect future and swore love. I hate myself for believing that bullsh*t of his.
God is sure to punish him for being so heartless and rude, but this is not my business, the Almighty is to handle it, what I am permanently interested in is when I'm gonna get my portion of happiness and true delight from genuine love. I pray even harder, spending much of my evenings with a pectoral cross.
Truth hurts.
I'll mention something about workout. Yes my love life is far below zero, it almost doesn't exist, and 2 years ago I would most likely give up excercising and continue living in my old fat body. But not now. I'm not gonna give in to sorrow and mistreatment, even the fact that he hates my current figure won't stop me. I'm f*cking doing it for myself, I am my own motivation! Yes it's ever so hard to get up in mornings and force myself to go home on foot and realize there's no one but yourself to back you up and encourage you, but it's for me, my own good. The hot tight body, feeling cheerful and light - this is what I won't dare quit. I love myself despite others' negative comments, despite harsh attitude of even dearest ones, it's goddamn my body and I decide how to sculpt it! I want to have enough will power to be able to resist the falls and trips and get through and survive! Yes, today he blew me away with a hurtful sentence but this won't stop me from going swimming, training. I want to be a winner at least in something, I want to be strong and overcome hard times so that my new guy will appreciate me and cherish and respect.And as if by providence, I just stumbled upon this
Taking up running
There seems to be no point in contacting him, trying to patch it up or talk. He says he's scared of convos and my calls and dates with me like of fire, that I lack femininity and full of insecurities and inferiority complex. What more can I say?I went to bed sobbing, but luckily woke up smiling, before going to the pool, and now at work, I sit listening to Pink and smiling. I believe it's due to the amount of endorphins sport creates in me. I've taken up walking, an hour walk after work looks to do me good. And following the example, I plan on going even farther, taking up running. I've been hating running since childhood but since I have nothing to do in the evening the best option would be engaging in a beneficial activity, so therefore, jogging! Besides, it's advantageous for women's health (enhanced blood circulation is good for sexual libido and stronger sensations during sex).
Food photo
About the Author
I'd rather be thin and dorky than fat and cool
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